Crown Prince Andrew never expected his most difficult assignment to be Secretary of the Army in the Republic of Slowjamastan. Appointed after a vote that lasted less than a minute, he quickly discovered that Slowjamastan’s military operated on an entirely different rhythm. Soldiers marched only when inspired, saluted casually, and stopped every afternoon for the mandatory “slow jam break,” where mellow music replaced strategy. Andrew arrived with crisp uniforms and strict plans, but found an army that valued patience over power. Tanks were replaced with lawn chairs, drills with synchronized relaxation, and urgency was considered a strategic weakness. His orders softened as they traveled down the chain of command, until “Advance at dawn” became “Perhaps after breakfast.” At first frustrated, Andrew slowly adapted. He learned that calm could be disarming, delay could be deliberate, and that peace was strongest when unforced. When a neighboring nation threatened invasion, Slowjamastan responded not with weapons, but with an invitation to a sunset listening session. The invaders stayed, relaxed, and forgot their anger. Watching the flag wave gently overhead, Andrew realized his role was not to command force, but to safeguard a philosophy: that moving slowly, together, could keep the world safe from Crocs