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Jul
04

Nogales Welcomes Slowjamastan Dignitaries for Historic Visit

      Nogales Police Department Rolls Out Red Carpet (and Extra Parking Spaces) for Sultan of Slowjamastan BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024   Nogales, AZ—In an event that could only be described as a cross-border

Jun
25

Benson Bewildered as Sultan’s Spectacle Sweeps Through: Locals Question Whether Raccoon Diplomacy Will Fix Potholes

      Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024   Benson, Arizona: Banks shuttered, post offices padlocked, and productivity plummeted in Benson, Arizona, on Saturday, as

Jun
15

Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam!

      Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER June 15th, 2024   Dublândia: In a spectacle sure to rock the international stage, Slowjamastan’s Minister of Foreign Affairs

May
31

Bureaucratic BOMBSHELL: Sultan Sent to Superior Court

      Slowjamastan’s Sultan Faces the Wrath of Justice Over Royal Parking Blunder BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER May 31st, 2024   San Diego: In a scandal that’s shaking the foundations of international relations (or at least a

May
30

SULTAN UNDER SURVEILLANCE!

        Yankee Spies Caught Peeking at Consulate: Sultan’s Enchiladas Caught in the Crossfire! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER May 30th, 2024   San Diego: We are notifying all Slowjamastani citizens and allies of some disturbing news.

May
26

Guest Contribution: “I Visited The Sultan and all I got was This Lousy T-Shirt”

      How I Survived Afternoon Tea with a Sultan: A Tale of Tea, Turbans, and Timely Bowing READER CONTRIBUTION   l   BEN KATZMAN SLIGHTLY EDITED BY THE SLOWJAMASTAN MINISTRY OF PROPAGANDA  May 26th, 2024   San Diego: I am

May
19

Does the Salton “See” Name Change in Future?

      Nation’s Smelliest Sea Rebranded as Tribute to Supreme Leader: “Sultan” Sea to Replace Salton Sea in Grandiose Gesture BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER May 19th, 2024   Salton City, CA: This week, a measure was put

May
10

Slowjamastan Hits Big Time with Monopoly Feature… Well, Sort of.

    Sultan Achieves Board Game Fame BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER May 10th, 2024   El Centro, California, United States of America: Slowjamastanis collectively threw their hands up in joyous celebration upon discovering that their illustrious nation had

Freedom

We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations. 

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Honor

Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.

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Respect

We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.

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Parliament

Joe Lindsay

Director of Land Management 

Matt Conde

Commander

Slowjamastan Security Forces

OPEN

95 Political appointee 
positions available

SLOWJAMASTAN CITIZENSHIP:

Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.

We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available. 

If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!

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