The World’s Newest Nation

Become a Citizen HERE


  ADVISORY: Next event in Slowjamastan is Saturday, October 7th. Info and RSVP HERE.


  Ain’t no Party Like a Slowjamastan Party! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 9, 2023   You’re cordially invited to Slowjamastan’s (No) Croctober! Behold, a visual masterpiece awaits your perusal – The Sultan’s cinematic invitation, lovingly crafted for


Sultan Shatters Guacamole Competition, Leaving Rivals Green with Envy

  Sultan Shatters Guacamole Competition, Leaving Rivals Green with Envy BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 9, 2023   San Diego, CA, USA: In a truly groundbreaking culinary showdown, The Sultan, that legendary guacamole maestro, graced us with his


Slowjamastan’s Epic Summer

    Comiccon Capers, Law tango, and More Avocados Than you can Guac-omprehend!   BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER August 26, 2023     Los Angeles – In a whirlwind frenzy that lasted a whole 45 days (which is


Hurricane Hillary Speeds Up Lazy River Construction

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER August 21, 2023   Dublândia: In a twist that left experts baffled, Tropical Storm Hillary turned out to be the unexpected kick in the floaties that Slowjamastan’s new Lazy River project desperately needed.


The Sultan’s ¡Glorious Guacamole! *RECIPE*

  Against his better judgment, The Sultan has agreed to share his top secret “¡Glorious Guacamole!” recipe with you. It was this same gallant guac that took first place during this year’s Guac-Off at The San Diego Food Bank. The


So you Became an Ambassador or Member of Parliament…Now What?

BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER July 3, 2023   The following article applies to anyone who joined Slowjamastan as an Ambassador or member of Parliament. If you are interested in joining, we will post a link at the end


TRAVEL ADVISORY: Non-Americans Wishing to Travel to Slowjamastan

BY THE SULTAN  l  SUPREME LEADER June 11, 2023   Dublândia: As much fun as we are having creating and watching this whole “Slowjamastan” empire unfold and explode, please allow your Sultan to be serious for a moment… Since the


Own a Piece of Slowjamastan!

  Buy a Brick and Leave Your Legacy   Engrave up to three lines of text with 20 characters per line… Recognize a special person in your life. Honor a casual effort. Commemorate a special occasion. The possibilities are endless.


We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations. 

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Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.

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We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.

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Joe Lindsay

Director of Land Management 

Matt Conde


Slowjamastan Security Forces


95 Political appointee 
positions available


Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.

We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available. 

If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!

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