ADVISORY: Be on high alert for smuggled Crocs this upcoming weekend (source: Slowjamastani Intelligence)
We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations.
Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.
We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.
Director of Land Management
Slowjamastan Security Forces
95 Political appointee
Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.
We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available.
If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!