May 28th, 2025 – Thank You Note from Carlsbad Unified School District

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May 28th, 2025 – Response to Carlsbad Unified School District’s Thank You Letter

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VIA Slowjamastani Postal Authority, Email, fax, singing telegram delivered by a tone-deaf mime, morse code tapped out on a woodpecker’s beak, tattooed on a goat and set free with a vague sense of direction, skywritten by a pilot with terrible spelling, delivered on VHS tape by Blockbuster’s last surviving employee

Señor Evanson,

Please find the attached Waving the White Flag with Flair letter from the Attorney General’s Office of The Republic of Slowjamastan.

Strong hug,

Robert Dobalina
Director of Security for His Excellency and Baron of the Bureau of Bizarre Grievances
The United Territories of The Sovereign Nation of The People’s Republic of Slowjamastan
888-756-5267
bob@slowjamastan.org

July 17th, 2024 – Order of Extradition for Officer Jonathan Gonzalez – Harbor Police / San Diego County Regional Airport Authority
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July 9th, 2024 – Letter of Alliance from Tombstone, Arizona Marshall Jim Adams
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May 12th, 2024 – Annual Budget Query, City of Brawley, California, United States of America

[SENT VIA EMAIL]

Dear Esteemed City Manager Salcido:

I hope this letter finds you in the highest of spirits and in excellent health. Allow me, The life-time self-appointed Sultan of The Republic of Slowjamastan, to extend my warmest regards to you and the esteemed citizens of Brawley.

It has come to my attention that Plaza Park, a bastion of cultural exchange and community harmony within your illustrious city, presents an opportunity for an extraordinary display of goodwill between our great nations. In the spirit of fostering amicable relations between the United States of America and the Republic of Slowjamastan, I humbly request your esteemed office to consider the allocation of funds amounting to $23,608 USD for the commissioning of a bronze statue in my likeness.

This statue, envisaged to grace the heart of Plaza Park, shall stand as an enduring symbol of the enduring friendship between our two nations. Crafted with the utmost artistry and reverence, it will serve as a testament to the unwavering bond of camaraderie and mutual respect that exists between the people of Slowjamastan and the citizens of Brawley.

Furthermore, I firmly believe that such a monument will not only enhance the cultural landscape of Plaza Park but also serve as an inspiration for generations to come, igniting the flames of curiosity and goodwill in the hearts of all who behold it.

Rest assured, dear City Manager, that this request is not borne out of vanity or hubris but rather from a sincere desire to deepen the bonds of friendship and understanding between our two nations. It is my fervent hope that you will consider this proposal with the gravity and respect it deserves, recognizing the immense potential it holds to sow the seeds of harmony and cooperation in our ever-changing world.

In anticipation of your favorable response, I extend my heartfelt gratitude for your time and consideration.

With warm regards,

His Excellency Randy Williams
Sultan of Slowjamastan

response received on May 13th, 2024

Dear His Excellency Randy Williams, Sultan of Slowjamastan,

Greetings from the sun-kissed lands of Brawley! I hope this letter finds you reveling in the glory of your illustrious throne and enjoying a slow jam or two.

First and foremost, let me express my heartfelt admiration for the creative spirit that defines the Republic of Slowjamastan. Your proposal for a bronze statue in Plaza Park is a testament to your visionary leadership and your commitment to fostering international relations, even of the micronational variety.

While we in Brawley cherish the spirit of cultural exchange and the forging of friendships across borders (and dimensions), our current budget is more focused on the essentials—like ensuring our parks have enough sprinklers to keep the grass greener than a Slowjamastanian banknote.

However, fear not! The idea of a statue that captures the essence of your benevolent rule has sparked joy and amusement among us. While we may not be able to fund this monumental endeavor at present, we’re thrilled to keep the spirit of collaboration alive in less tangible but equally heartfelt ways.

We look forward to future opportunities to celebrate the unbreakable bond between Brawley and Slowjamastan, perhaps in ways that don’t require us to dip into the city’s coffers. Until then, may your reign be as smooth and melodious as the slow jams that surely fill your court.

With warm regards (and a tap of the foot to the beat),

Thank you,

Tyler Salcido
City Manager
City of Brawley

January 16th, 2022 – Special Forces security briefing for American Hotel
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