A Statement from The Sultan

The time has come for Andrew Rees, CEO of Crocs, to step aside.

For years, the Crocs leadership has presided over a steady erosion of global footwear norms. What was once considered temporary, situational, and indoors-only has become widespread, destabilizing, and deeply concerning. This is no longer a matter of personal taste—it is a matter of international standards.

The world is watching. Airports, city streets, and formal settings have all felt the effects of this unchecked expansion. The Crocs regime has lost the confidence of people who believe in structure, accountability, and shoes with a clear sense of purpose.

For the sake of stability, decency, and a peaceful return to responsible footwear, Andrew Rees must step down and allow a transition that respects both the foot and the future. The Sultan urges a swift, orderly resignation—for the good of all who still believe in rules, laces, and civilization itself.

His Excellency Randy Williams
Sultan of Slowjamastan
Crusader Against Crocs

If you know the whereabouts of Andrew Rees, immediately contact our anonymous tip line: 866‑NO‑CROCS.

A 50,000 Duble reward awaits information leading to his swift and stylish capture.