Behold Amador Castro, the Constable of Slowjamastan, where the crime rate is so low that even the tumbleweeds have taken up knitting. Armed with a whistle and a sternly worded “please don’t,” Castro patrols the streets at a leisurely saunter, ensuring that everyone’s heart rate remains at a yoga-class level of tranquility. His most significant police pursuit involved chasing a runaway balloon during the town’s annual “Calm Fest.” Known for resolving conflicts through interpretive dance-offs, Castro’s crime-solving toolkit includes scented candles, herbal teas, and a playlist of nature sounds. In Slowjamastan, the only high-speed chase is trying to catch the ice cream truck before it melts. If you’re seeking a law enforcement experience with all the intensity of a nap, Amador Castro is your serenely unassertive Constable.