In 2023, Slowjamastan
Porder Batrol…
- Seized 412 pairs of Crocs
- Stopped 54 drivers who had their feet on the dashboard
- Constructed 12 feet of new border fence
- Destroyed 15 tunnels (later discovered to be just gophers, but still…)
PORDER BATROL
Slowjamastan Customs and Border Protection
The Porder Batrol is a service of Slowjamastan Customs and Border Protection.
Led by Chief Border Agent Mark Corona, our department strives to keep our borders secure.
In 2023, our agents seized a total of 407 pairs of Crocs before they infiltrated our nation.
Mark Corona: Chief Border Agent
Even the most skilled coyotes and bandits won’t escape the eagle eye of Agent Corona. In charge of our nation’s borders and immigration, Chief Corona leads a specialized team of border agents committed to the security and sovereignty of our sacred lands. Their mission statement: Hoes in, Crocs out.
When he’s not patrolling the border, Agent Corona can be seen in various American cities hosting trivia nights at local saloons and watering holes.
Main border checkpoint.
Please stop and read all warnings and advisories.
Stop…in the name of love.
F*ck around and find out.
Our border fence is one of the strongest and most technologically-advanced. No one can penetrate it.
Chief Porder Agent Mark Corona with National Animal “Slowjamastanley.”
Border wait: 12 minutes.
Agent Corona says: Come in the right way.
Porder Batrol troops at the ready.
Agent Corona executing hourly border checks.
State-of-the-art border surveillance.
Border.
Agent Corona bears arms.
Asylum seeker.
Immigrant processing center.
ID verification standards are high. This is “in-person” facial recognition.
Visitors wait their turn to enter our land legally.
Chief Porder Agent poses with The Sultan and our German visitors.
Feed Agent Corona, NOT the raccoons!
Answering the call (about his expired car warranty.)
Main border checkpoint.
Agent Corona pledges his allegiance and loyalty to The Nation and our Sultan.
Surveying the border.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Slowjamastan Porder Batrol: Securing our Nation.
Welcome to Slowjamastan..
You may lose a foot if you enter illegally. Always use official entries and exits.
