In 2022, Slowjamastan
Porder Batrol…
  • Seized 427 pairs of Crocs
  • Stopped 79 drivers who had their feet on the dashboard
  • Constructed 14 feet of new border fence
  • Destroyed 17 tunnels (later discovered to be just gophers, but still…)





Slowjamastan Customs and Border Protection

The Porder Batrol is a service of Slowjamastan Customs and Border Protection.

Led by Chief Border Agent Mark Corona, our department strives to keep our borders secure.

In 2022, our agents seized a total of 427 pairs of Crocs before they infiltrated our nation.




Mark Corona: Chief Border Agent

Even the most skilled coyotes and bandits won’t escape the eagle eye of Agent Corona. In charge of our nation’s borders and immigration, Chief Corona leads a specialized team of border agents committed to the security and sovereignty of our sacred lands. Their mission statement: Hoes in, Crocs out.

When he’s not patrolling the border, Agent Corona can be seen in various American cities hosting trivia nights at local saloons and watering holes.