Description
Bring a touch of questionable patriotism to your home with this glossy ceramic ornament—perfect for showing the entire family that you proudly support the fearless Slowjamastan Porder Bartrol and the morally correct peeling of string cheese. With its shiny finish and majestic gold-tone string, it will instantly become the most judged item on your Christmas tree.
• 100% ceramic
• Circular shape: 2.76″ (7 cm) of pure Slowjamastani glory
• Thickness: 0.125″ (3 mm)
• Glossy enough to blind your enemies
• White backing for that “state-approved” look
• Includes a gold-colored string, because the Sultan said so
• Handcrafted by Croc-wearing degenerates in the Slowjamastan Re-Education Camp (don’t worry, they’re learning)
Sultan decrees: choose the circle shape!
This glorious masterpiece is created just for you the moment you hit “order,” which is why it takes us a little longer—art cannot be rushed, comrade. By crafting these treasures on demand instead of churning out mountains of them like a bargain-bin factory, we heroically reduce overproduction.
Thank you for making a responsible, guilt-free, environmentally angelic purchase. Slowjamastan salutes your restraint.
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