“Visit Slowjamastan” Unisex t-shirt

Description

This T-shirt is everything you’ve ever dreamed of and several things you didn’t—like the sudden urge to pledge allegiance to exceptionally soft fabric. It’s lightweight, stretchy in all the right places, and scientifically engineered to make everyone look at least 12% more attractive.

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester because science said so)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² — roughly the density of a diplomatic handshake
• Pre-shrunk, because we learned our lesson after The Great Laundry Incident of 2022
• Side-seamed construction: sounds fancy, is fancy
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping, ideal for those who plan to shrug dramatically
• Ethically assembled by highly trained string-cheese chompers inside the prestigious Slowjamastan Re-Education Camp™

Disclaimer: The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through under bright lights, interrogation lamps, or the judgmental gaze of someone wearing Crocs.

This product is crafted just for you the moment you hit “order,” which is why it takes us a smidge longer to show up on your doorstep. We don’t mass-produce anything—mostly because our warehouse staff panics when they see large numbers. By making everything on demand, we heroically reduce overproduction and save the planet one slightly delayed delivery at a time.

Thank you for making such responsible, eco-friendly choices… whether you meant to or not.