Ah, distinguished citizen — when you registered for citizenship, the message below is exactly what was displayed on your screen after you submitted your application.

We know even the mere thought of becoming a Slowjamastani citizen was one of the most exciting moments in your entire life, and you might have been too excited, elated and even flustered to see the message that appeared immediately after you hit “submit”…so in the generous spirit of Slowjamastan, we’re delighted to offer you a second look at the instructions. Consider it a complimentary refresher from your ever-benevolent bureaucracy.

You may wish to consult a trusted advisor, a wise neighbor, or perhaps that one friend who actually reads the fine print.

And now, once more — the sacred instructions:

 

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AAAAAAAAAAND, YOU’RE IN! (HOW EXCITING!)

*** PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY ***

You are conditionally approved – consider yourself a Slowjamastani…but not so fast!

Slowjamastani Intelligence will be verifying that you followed our social media accounts. If you did – then you’re golden!

Your name will appear on our Citizens Page sometime between 48 hours and 90 days. You will not receive an email or confirmation. Simply check the Citizens Page to verify.

Interested in PREMIUM Citizenship, which includes your photo online, citizen number AND a signed letter of approval from The Sultan??? Just GO HERE!

Please note this ONLINE citizenship does NOT mean you can MOVE to and LIVE in Slowjamastan. We ain’t ready for all that!

Thank you and welcome to The Republic of Slowjamastan!

DISCLAIMER: For our citizens outside of the USA that wish to visit (or relocate to) Slowjamastan… Please be aware our nation is COMPLETELY surrounded by the United States, and since we don’t have an international airport quite yet, to arrive in Slowjamastan, you must enter the USA first. We do not currently offer visa support for The United States. (We should mention there’s no plumbing and electricity either, so there’s that.) We apologize for any inconvenience.

See our urgent TRAVEL ADVISORY HERE.