FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (Before We’re Overthrown)
Slowjamastan Offers VIP Parking to the United States in Bold Diplomatic Gesture
Visa-Free Entry, Free Coffee, and Dirt Parking for All
THE REPUBLIC OF SLOWJAMASTAN (Imperial County, CA) — With dictators worldwide suddenly finding themselves under intense scrutiny (looking at you, Venezuela and Iran), The Sultan of Slowjamastan has decided it is best to act before any unrest reaches our borders. In a bold, humble, and extremely well-signposted move, The Sultan is extending an olive branch to the United States — in the form of VIP parking.
On Sunday, January 25, from 10:00 AM to 12:00 Noon, The Republic of Slowjamastan will temporarily suspend all visa requirements and open its borders for a special two-hour diplomatic summit known as “Coffee with The Sultan.”
During this unprecedented window of openness, guests will be invited to meet The Sultan, enjoy free coffee, and witness the ribbon cutting of Slowjamastan’s greatest infrastructure achievement to date: our brand-new border parking lot. While the lot is made entirely of dirt, it features professionally printed signs designating VIP parking spaces for our American neighbors, including the Imperial County Sheriff, California State Park Rangers, and U.S. Border Patrol — all of whom are expected to attend, or at least admire the signage.
“We may not have asphalt,” said The Sultan, “but we spared no expense on the signs. This is how diplomacy works.”
Slowjamastan government officials will formally unveil the parking lot, celebrate international cooperation, and politely request that any visiting law enforcement agencies please allow our dictator to continue ruling unbothered.
The event is open to the public and suitable for all ages. Visitors are encouraged to bring their Slowjamastan passports. Visa-free entry will be strictly enforced for two hours only, after which Slowjamastan will once again resume its normal level of seriousness.
Important National Policy Reminder: Crocs remain banned.
Coffee will be served. Borders will be open. Parking will be abundant.
Overthrows are discouraged.
Contact:
Bob Dobalina
bob (at) slowjamastan.org
(888) 756-5267
Aloha, y`all. Can hardly wait to join the fun on 25 January. Viva el Sultan, viva Slowjamastan!
We are thinking about a journey to share in this event. Is there a dress code other than no crocs.
Pants.