Hey smart guy, when you registered for citizenship, below is the exact message you received after submitting your application. We understand reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit — fortunately, Slowjamastan desperately needs laborers and tax-payers, so we’re generously offering you a second chance to read the instructions. You may want to phone a friend… preferably one who can read. Here are those instructions again:

 

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AAAAAAAAAAND, YOU’RE IN! (HOW EXCITING!)

*** PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY ***

You are conditionally approved – consider yourself a Slowjamastani…but not so fast!

Slowjamastani Intelligence will be verifying that you followed our social media accounts. If you did – then you’re golden!

Your name will appear on our Citizens Page sometime between 48 hours and 90 days. You will not receive an email or confirmation. Simply check the Citizens Page to verify.

Interested in PREMIUM Citizenship, which includes your photo online, citizen number AND a signed letter of approval from The Sultan??? Just GO HERE!

Please note this ONLINE citizenship does NOT mean you can MOVE to and LIVE in Slowjamastan. We ain’t ready for all that!

Thank you and welcome to The Republic of Slowjamastan!

DISCLAIMER: For our citizens outside of the USA that wish to visit (or relocate to) Slowjamastan… Please be aware our nation is COMPLETELY surrounded by the United States, and since we don’t have an international airport quite yet, to arrive in Slowjamastan, you must enter the USA first. We do not currently offer visa support for The United States. (We should mention there’s no plumbing and electricity either, so there’s that.) We apologize for any inconvenience.

See out urgent TRAVEL ADVISORY HERE.