2025 Collector Ornament 1: Slowjamastanley

Description

New for 2025, behold the Slowjamastanley “All I Want for Christmas” ceramic ornament—painstakingly crafted by Croc-wearing offenders who are now deeply repentant after their extended stay at the Slowjamastan Re-Education Camp™.

• 100% ceramic (just like Grandma’s ashtray collection)
• Perfectly circular: 2.76″ (7 cm) of pure festive glory
• A robust 0.125″ (3 mm) thick—thinner than your excuses for wearing Crocs
• Glossy finish that blinds your enemies
• Classy white backing
• Comes with a luxurious gold-colored string (fancier than it needs to be)

IMPORTANT: Don’t get fancy—choose the circle shape only.

This glorious masterpiece is created just for you the moment you hit “order,” which is why it takes us a little longer—art cannot be rushed, comrade. By crafting these treasures on demand instead of churning out mountains of them like a bargain-bin factory, we heroically reduce overproduction.

Thank you for making a responsible, guilt-free, environmentally angelic purchase. Slowjamastan salutes your restraint.