BY DIRK CUNNINGHAM l STAFF WRITER
NOVEMBER 11, 2021
Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: Drills be drillin’, hammers be hammerin’ and saws be sawin’. That was the scene earlier today in The Republic of Slowjamastan as ground was officially broken. The world’s newest nation was caught up in a flurry of activity today as construction on the country began.
Two signs were installed on the border of Slowjamastan and The United States of America. The office of the Sultan was placed at the capital and administrative seat of Dublandia. And the very first new citizen of Slowjamastan was sworn in.
Former American Mark Corona of Phoenix, Arizona was naturalized by the Sultan himself, taking an oath to uphold the laws and regulations of Slowjamastan, which includes a promise to never wear Crocs, to never unnecessarily reply-all to an all-staff email, and absolutely, under any circumstance, place your feet on the dashboard of a vehicle. What, were you raised in a barn?
Stay tuned for more on this developing story.
13 thoughts on ““That’s One Big Ass Sign,” Say Residents as Ground Breaking Commences”
wow a population increase of 100% in just a day?? fucking lit. id totally immigrate but i wear crocs.
I hope to soon count myself amongst their number!
As an archaeologist by trade and an anthropologist by training, I have been compiling an ethnography on a group who may pose a threat to the borders of this dear nation.
The Sultan has taken notice of your support and participation. He is pleased. We will be in touch shortly.
I would be humbled to be amongst your numbers as a Slowjamastan Citizen.
I would adhere to all laws & feel honored to be a newly sworn in citizen.
Please advise me of my next step. Meanwhile I shall begin a 7 day fast to cleanse myself of all impurities that may or may not be acceptable in your country.
Mr. Rothman: We have passed your sincere message onto our Sultan and he is impressed with your intentions and enthusiasm. We look forward to welcoming you (and hopefully a handful of your female friends) to our new nation. Talk soon.
Having visited the newborn nation in person, I’ve researched it and have to say I was so extremely impressed by its rules and regulations (I never wear Crocs and I put my feet up on the dashboard occasionally, but I could repent and reform) and I was highly tempted to discards my American citizenship and become a Slowjamastanian. I’m experiencing a little bit of reluctance as I’m not quite sure if as a born leader my natural leadership qualities would be honored in what appears to be a male dominated society.
The good news is, Marli, is that you are not required to announce your American citizenship – dual citizenship is possible. Crocs and feet on the dashboard within our borders, however, is not. Looks like you have a lot think about.
With respect, I humbly recommend for The Sultan’s consideration the reprinting of the current currency’ depiction of a “wolf” with the image of our venerated neighbor, the coyote.
It’s a coyote, I promise…just a really healthy looking one!
I approve this republic.
I never wear Croc’s and neither does my wife. We never put our feet up on the dashboard (we don’t own a vehicle at the moment either)(presently
permanently disabled veteran residing in a Travel Trailer in Washington State) we both have read the laws and regulations of Slowjamastan and
will abide by them. Recently, both my wife and I applied for Citizenship. I was recently approved for a Passport and sent my details and Photo in
this morning, will be applying for my spouse tomorrow (Pension gets Posted). Were both excited about Slowjamastan, we both think the National
Anthem is awesome as well as the country’s other attributes. We both plan on supporting and making contributions as often as we can.
Thank you, Your Excellency, Sultan, Randy Williams for giving us the opportunity of becoming citizens of Slowjamastan.
It is great to have you, Chris and Dana! We welcome you with open arms and a handful of Boston Baked Beans!