BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
September 21st, 2022
Buttonwillow, CA: A national anthem? Check. Currency? Check. Extremely handsome and charismatic leader? CHECK!!! Race car…that’s a big ol’ checkeroo!
Thanks to Arne Carlson and a crew of some of the world’s most skilled drivers and mechanics, this 2005 Dodge Neon SRT-4 ACR is ready to kick some arse at the Yokohama Button Turrible on Saturday and Sunday, October 1st and 2nd. You can find the full schedule and all of the info on the race taking place at Buttonwillow Raceway Park HERE.
The event is open to the public and all loyal citizens and supporters of Slowjamastan are encouraged to come and cheer on this gorgeous Raccoon-racer.
The car’s official crew includes: Minh Duong: team captain, driver and mechanic, Jeff Hixon: crew chief, Mike Falkoski: driver and mechanic, Mike Sutter: driver and mechanic and Arne Carlson: driver and mechanic.
Mike Sutter said, “As we drove through the flash flood ravaged desert yesterday afternoon, numerous weather-related road closures and the search to find a proper site to let the dog relieve himself led us down a lonely stretch of CA 78. With the US border control station shrinking in our rear view mirror and nothing but miles of flooded desert visible through the side windows of our pick-up, we caught a shining glimpse of hope on the horizon. The United Territories of The Sovereign Nation of the People’s Republic of Slowjamastan! As we sped past the stoic micronation, we saw that the flagpole, port of entry, and the Sultan’s desk sat undisturbed among the surrounding inundation. I have never been prouder to be associated with such an inspiring patch of windswept mud. I only hope we properly represent the UTTSNPRS in this semi-prestigious motor sports extravaganza. “
Minh Duong said, “I am thrilled to be part of the Republic of Slowjamastan racing team. In order to drive this slow, I hardly trained for many years.”
Mike Falkoski said, “I have always felt this way, at least since Brad & Angelina broke up.”
Jeff Hixon added, “This is @#÷%/& insane! You couldn’t pay me enough to do this. I guess that’s why I’m not getting paid. And look for me right behind Arne in the buffet line!”
Arne Carlson said, “I am humbled and honored to represent the great Republic of Slowjamastan. I still can’t believe how fortunate we are to compete in this prestigious event. I still don’t understand why it was moved from France to Buttonwillow, California, but I am very grateful that it was. If you can’t find me at the race, check the buffet in the Ferrari tent.
The Sultan sends a personal note of thanks and a commendation to the brave men who built, washed, vacuumed and will race this marvel of an automobile.
The Sultan then dropped these wise words: “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live raccoon in the car.”