BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
October 29th, 2022
Dublândia, Slowjamastan: You can’t protect a newly created nation from natural disasters without a fire engine, right? Thanks to Slowjamastan Director of Emergency Services, Rescue Rick, that liability is now covered.
Rescue Rick said, “Slowjamastan’s rugged and unforgiving land has long been susceptible to fire and flood. Last year we bought a giant crate of sponges from Costco to address the flood problem, but we’d yet to figure out how to protect against fire. Now, we’ve got that solved! Hey Fire: You’ve met your match, pendejo!”
Rescue Rick secured the engine in July of 2022 when he marched into an American fire engine dealership with two big guns (biceps) and a briefcase full of $50,000 unmarked Dubles.
“He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse,” said Dave Duea, President of San Diego’s Fire Etc. “I couldn’t say no to all those Dubles. Plus, anything The Sultan wants, the Sultan gets. I even insisted they take my hose. All the hose.”
Rick and The Sultan called a private Parliament meeting to order in a secret location somewhere in the suburban area of Santee, California, United States. It was then where Slowjamastani leaders began a series of rigorous tests to ensure the vehicle was up to Slowjamstani standards. This mostly consisted of playing with the lights and sirens.
It was on October 29th when this glorious red monster was unveiled to the people of Slowjamastan. Slowjamastanis now sleep much better knowing that Rescue Rick and his hose are committed to keeping our parts moist.
Slowjamastanley says, “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Seriously, he was the one who came up with that slogan, don’t listen to that fat bear.
We thank Darrell Cornett for providing many of the photos contained in this article.