BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
January 25th, 2024
Dublândia: In a shocking revelation that left linguists bewildered and accents worldwide shaking in their phonetic boots, the Sultan of Slowjamastan finally spilled the beans on the enigma surrounding his sexy and mysterious accent. During a recent podcast hosted by Atlas Obscura, the Sultan disclosed the surprising history behind his unique way of speaking and the official language of Slowjamastan: English with GFA, which stands for “General Foreign Accent.”
For years, the world has been captivated by the Sultan’s alluring voice, prompting many to ponder the origin of his unmistakable accent. However, the veil of mystery was lifted, and the truth was stranger than fiction.
According to the Sultan, GFA is a revolutionary linguistic concept—it’s an accent that transcends borders, untethered to any specific nationality. In a bold move towards inclusivity, Slowjamastan has embraced the idea of a General Foreign Accent, ensuring that everyone feels welcome, regardless of their linguistic background.
“We’re an inclusive nation. We want everyone to feel welcome. We never want foreigners in Slowjamastan to feel self-conscious about their accent, so we all speak with GFA. Even The Sultan belts out glorious GFA, whether he’s giving a speech in front of millions or ordering pizza,” proclaimed the Sultan during the podcast.
The Sultan insists that GFA is a harmonious blend of every accent imaginable, creating a linguistic symphony that resonates with diversity. His claim is backed by his impressive resume of having visited every country on the planet. In a grand finale to his globetrotting adventures, the Sultan landed in Turkmenistan in May of 2023, completing his mission to set foot in all 193 nations.
Below: an example of English with GFA, as demonstrated by Polo Ceniseros, Crown Prince of Slowjamastan:
As news of Slowjamastan’s linguistic innovation spreads, language enthusiasts and polyglots worldwide are left scratching their heads, attempting to decipher the intricate nuances of this newly coined General Foreign Accent. The Sultan’s revelation has sparked debates, laughter, and a surge in interest in the linguistic landscape of Slowjamastan.
Whether ordering pizza or addressing the nation, the Sultan’s GFA has become a symbol of unity and acceptance in Slowjamastan. As the world tunes in to the Sultan’s speeches and podcasts, they can now appreciate the beauty of a truly globalized accent that transcends borders and brings people together in the Sultanate of Slowjamastan.
Below: a stunning and exemplary example of English with GFA, as demonstrated by our Amassador to Cherry Valley:
Haven’t quite mastered GFA yet? That’s okay! The Slowjamastan Department of Education has announced they will be offering courses in English with GFA as soon as Slowjamastan’s Community College opens. Its construction is set commence after The Lazy River project is completed.