SULTAN SEA — In a historic act of leadership, geography and extremely confident map editing, The Sultan of Slowjamastan has officially renamed the Salton Sea the “Sultan Sea.”

The change is effective immediately on all Slowjamastani maps, government documents, weather reports, school textbooks and any globe The Sultan can physically reach with a marker.

“For too long, this magnificent body of water has suffered under a name that contains absolutely no reference to me,” The Sultan said during the signing ceremony. “Today, we correct history.”

Officials say the decision was made after an exhaustive 11-minute government review determined that large bodies of water are considerably easier to rename than they are to clean.

When asked whether California, the United States, local residents or cartographers had approved the change, Slowjamastani officials confirmed that none had been consulted.

“This is called leadership.”

The government has ordered all citizens to immediately begin using Sultan Sea, although a six-month grace period will be offered to anyone still using outdated maps.

Other map corrections may soon follow: Salton City becomes Sultan City. Government cartographers have been instructed to locate and eliminate any remaining unnecessary A’s.

Google Maps has been advised to govern itself accordingly.

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