DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT ROCKS SLOWJAMASTAN–AMERICA RELATIONS

BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER
October 23rd, 2025

 

 

PINAL COUNTY, AZ — What began as a peaceful diplomatic mission across North America turned into a full-blown international crisis Thursday afternoon when The Sultan of Slowjamastan was temporarily detained by an American law enforcement officer who apparently does not subscribe to world news.

According to eyewitnesses (and several In-N-Out customers still clutching Double-Doubles), The Sultan had just finished a delightful American lunch and was peacefully merging onto the highway when flashing lights appeared in his rearview mirror. The Sultan, a beacon of lawful obedience and impeccable fashion, promptly pulled over.

 

The Incident: In a stunning display of geographical confusion and overconfidence, Deputy Frank Sloup mistakenly pulled over a diplomatic vehicle—which, minor detail—was being driven by an actual world leader.

Deputy Frank Sloup of the Pinal County Sheriff’s Department approached the vehicle and, according to sources, informed The Sultan he was being pulled over because, quote, “I didn’t recognize the license plate.” Upon further inspection, the Deputy allegedly grew suspicious of The Sultan’s Slowjamastani driver’s/fishing license, insurance card, and registration—each painstakingly printed and laminated by the Ministry of Paperwork in Slowjamastan.

 

Totally legitimate documents — and by that, we mean absolutely not printed five minutes earlier on The Sultan’s trusty HP-2100 LaserJet, complete with the faint smell of toner and diplomacy.

“I told the man, ‘Sir, I assure you, these are 100% legitimate documents issued by a recognized nation—by me,’” said The Sultan, still visibly baffled by the ordeal. “I mean, who hasn’t heard of Slowjamastan? We literally have a ban on Crocs; we’re kind of a big deal.”

Chief Mark Corona of the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol soon arrived on the scene in an effort to de-escalate tensions. “I tried to explain to the Deputy that Slowjamastan is a peaceful nation with a strict anti-Croc policy and a proud commitment to world diplomacy,” said Chief Corona. “But he told me to step away from the vehicle and stop filming vertical video.”

 

Thank goodness for Chief Mark Corona and the ever-vigilant Porder Batrol, who arrived heroically to assist The Sultan—right up until Deputy Sloup, clearly drunk on authority and Dunkin’ coffee, told them to scram.

The situation reportedly took a turn for the worse when Deputy Sloup placed The Sultan in handcuffs and detained him—in the back seat of The Sultan’s own car. “That’s when I knew diplomacy had failed,” said The Sultan. “I was moments away from declaring war—or at least posting about it on Facebook.”

 

The Sultan—handcuffed and tossed into the back of his own car like a common peasant! Historians are already calling it the most shocking international incident since someone double-dipped at the Slowjamastan Independence Day buffet.

Moments later, the Deputy received a call from what sources describe as “a very high-ranking U.S. official, or possibly The Sultan’s mom.” After a brief conversation, Sloup quickly released The Sultan, who graciously forgave the misunderstanding.

“I told him this would simply be a teachable moment,” said The Sultan. “After all, in Slowjamastan, we believe in second chances… and in proper geography education.”

Deputy Sloup, for his part, has since commented, “Look, I just saw a license plate that said ‘Slowjamastan’ and thought it was one of those novelty things you get at a gas station. Next thing I know, I’m apparently detaining an international icon.”

 

Surely, just a harmless misunderstanding—no hard feelings! Deputy Sloup, The Sultan, and Chief Corona soon made nice, exchanging handshakes, awkward laughs, and possibly a coupon for a free In-N-Out shake.

The Sultan and Deputy Sloup reportedly ended their encounter with a handshake and a promise to “collaborate on cultural awareness initiatives”—which may or may not include a free Slowjamastan passport for the Deputy.

As of press time, The Sultan has resumed his North American goodwill tour and plans to continue spreading the message of peace, love, and slow jams—though he has reportedly rerouted future travels to avoid all counties that rhyme with “Finál.”

 

A day that will undoubtedly go down in the Slowjamastan history books—right between “The Great Croc Ban of 2021” and “That Time the Wi-Fi Went Out for Four Hours.”

Get your very own Slowjamastani “DIPLOMAT” license plate! Are they street-legal in the real world? Of course not—but that’s part of the fun. Are they a must-have collector’s item? Absolutely. Perfect as a gift? Without question. Will you regret missing out? Forever. CLICK HERE before your chance drives off without you!

 

 

 

 The Sultan invites you to become a citizen of Slowjamastan HERE

 

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