October 29th, 2022


Dublândia, Slowjamastan: The masses converged on The Motherland last weekend for what critics are calling one of the world’s most over-hyped mediocre events of the century: The Slowjamastan Spooktacular.

Traffic was backed up for feet, as families and asylum seekers from near and far flooded across the borders for a chance to see The Sultan and fill their treat bags with some of that long-awaited, calorie-free Sultan Sweets™.


Welcoming committee: Chief Border Agent Mark Corona, The Sultan of Slowjamastan Randy “R Dub!” Williams, Director of Emergency Services Rescue Rick, Governor of Palmerstan Glenn Palmer.
Oregon Consulate General Mark Dodge flew many miles to make this important event. Who needs 411 when you’ve got Ambassador Dodge?!
The Sultan sends out a special commendation to Governor Caliva and Speckmeyer from The State of DonSam Wadi for orchestrating the brilliant assortment of calorie-free candy. This candy actually contained vitamins, minerals, Botox and aphrodisiacs. (Even a special vaccine for Covid, but we’re not supposed to tell you, just shut up and eat it!)
Visitors from all around the world attended this special, international gathering.


But beyond the candy, group national anthem singing and monthly Croc-burning ritual, lied a deeper meaning. Saturday would be the day The Sultan and new leaders would inaugurate four new states,  permanently cementing new names, boundaries and some very cool signs into the history book that is Slowjamastan.


We’re proud to announce the following new states and their leaders:

BucksylvaniaGovernor and Governess Mike and Rene Nicholson
Higher WadiGovernor Donald Caliva and Governess Samantha Speckmeyer
SnooklynGoverness Kathy Snook
TriviaLandGovernor Mark Corona


Governor Palmer shows that he’s not above the people, getting his hands dirty to help install new State signs.
Chief Border Agent Corona and Slowjamastanley listen on while newly appointed Governor Mike Nicholson welcomes all to Bucksylvania.
Governess Kathy Snook welcomes her new visitors as The Sultan explains the name of this state. “It’s like BROOKlyn, but her last name, SNOOKlyn, get it?”
The 2nd DonSam Wadi state…HIGHER Wadi!
Mark Corona’s Trivia Land!

But things got even hotter when Rescue Rick unveiled his new toy…I mean truck. Slowjamastan Fire and Rescue‘s new fire engine was big, bold, impressive and had all the hose! Now, our land is safe from those pesky fires.


“The Steel Sultan” rolls into Slowjamastan.
It’s also a seat.


After the fire engine introduction and hose display, The Sultan and his citizens took to the streets for an impromptu march for independence. They threw their hands in the air and waved ’em like they just didn’t care. And at one point, there were reports that the entire crowd chanted “Oh yeah.” 


Traffic into Slowjamastan was heavy.
What do we want? Air conditioning! When do we want it? NOW!!!
Aerial shot of the march captured by Slowjamastani Intelligence drone.
Governor Caliva and State mascot Buddy.
“And the people REJOICE!”


We’d like to thank all who attended this year’s Slowjamastan Spooktacular, congratulate our new governors, and remind you to subscribe to The Sultan Sun for info on all of our forthcoming events. 


All kinds of tail in Slowjamastan! (The guy in the black hat knows!)
“Welcome my friend!”
Chief Border Agent Mark Corona stamps passports.


We thank Darrell Cornett and Eric Hanscom for providing many of the photos contained in this article. 





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