BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
August 21, 2023
Dublândia: In a twist that left experts baffled, Tropical Storm Hillary turned out to be the unexpected kick in the floaties that Slowjamastan’s new Lazy River project desperately needed. As the storm clouds gathered, citizens excitedly grabbed their inflatable unicorns and swan rafts, ready to ride the storm’s momentum.
Construction crews, initially bewildered by the idea of building a water feature during a storm, quickly adapted. “We were set to finish the Lazy River next summer,” said the project manager Theodore Throckmorton, shrugging off raindrops. “But why wait? This storm’s enthusiasm is infectious!”
As the storm subsided, Slowjamastan unveiled its magnificent Lazy River, complete with misty waterfalls and gentle whirlpools. The project was celebrated as a triumph of lazy ingenuity, proving that when life gives you a storm, just add water – and a whole lot of leisurely floating.
No raccoons were injured during this severe weather incident.
This announcement may serve as another reminder that you really can “give a brick” about Slowjamastan. Lining the banks of the Lazy River Aquapark will be walkways with engraved messages and names of your choosing. Get started today, visit Slowjamastan.org to learn more about these commemorative bricks.
Ah, fantastic news! Now I can immortalize my name on a brick by the Lazy River. Because nothing says “legacy” like a soggy pathway in Slowjamastan!
need more citizens.
We like it nice and quiet. Next thing you know the line at Chick-fil-A will be wrapped around the corner and who wants that?!
I think there should be a “croc” crossing added to the lazy river- it would be very “fitting”.
Our Glorious Sultan growing our wonderful country’s infrastructure and soon to be world famous Lazy River. The clouds weeping with joy happy to make our dream come true.
Indeed, our Sultan, a modern-day Noah, steering our country toward Lazy River fame. The clouds weep, either in joy or confusion, but hey, at least they’re on board with the masterplan!