BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
September 15, 2023
Last weekend, the “motherland” saw a monumental influx of SlowjamaFans from across the globe. The Sultan flung open his borders with all the grace of a bull in a china shop, granting visa-free access to the masses. Chaos reigned as visitors stampeded in, causing traffic to be backed up for feet. All this hullabaloo was for the grand “No Croctober” fiesta, where crocs were banned and gifts for The Sultan were encouraged.
Distinguished guests graced this bewildering event, like Mayor George Nava, from Brawley, California, United States, who was handed “The Key to the Country” by The Sultan. New states were born with as much sense as a unicorn on roller skates, including Momopolis, inaugurated by Swiss representative Momo Scherz and the Queendom of Hotdamastan, now officially a thing thanks to Casey Mead of New Zealand and her BFF Larissa Olenicoff hailing from Orange County. Special thanks to CJ “Sparkplug” who misted people down during this afternoon scorcher! Construction and infrastructure supervisors Andrew and Kris were on hand, too
In the midst of this circus, there were Kool-Aid tastings compliments of The State of DonSam Wadi, an enormous Croc-piñata designed and engineered by Governess Samantha Speckmeyer. The “Raccoon of Friendship Award” was presented to photographer extraordinaire, Darrell Cornett, who always “gets The Sultan’s good side.” Of course, no global event is complete without Rescue Rick and his hose.
Multiple press outlets attended, including Germany’s RTL and the Desert Dream Podcast (United States).
Let’s not forget the star-studded cast of V.I.P.s, including Governors Glenn Palmer, Ian Palmer, Kathy Snook, Donald Caliva, and Samantha Speckmeyer. You may have recognized Parliament members Chief Porder Batrol Agent Mark Corona, Director of Emergency Services Rescue Rick, Press Secretary Tim Richards, Vice Regent of Cosmic Creativity Lucretia Torva, Baron of Beards Ray Haynes, and Ambassadors Mark Dodge, and Carla and Jeremy Burdt. The Slowjamastan Infrastructure and Construction Commission (Andrew and Kris) were on hand, and special thanks to CJ Sparkplug who provided much needed “mist” on this scorcher of a day under the unforgivable Slowjamastani sun!
Please enjoy photos from this glorious event! Click on thumbnail to see full photo.
Photos by Darrell Cornett.
3PM and the crowds are assembling.
“Mom said it’s an awesome place!” (Lyrics from our national anthem.)
Chief Porder Batrol Agent Mark Corona directs the masses.
There’s Guv’nahs Kathy Snook, Samantha Speckmeyer and Donald Caliva!
Slowjamastan citizens are the best citizens!
The people gather from near and far for a glimpse of our Sultan.
Carla and Jeremy make the trip from California.
“Single file, please!”
Vice Regent of Cosmic Creativity, Lucretia Torva is dressed to the nines!
Look! It’s Ambassador to Oregon, Mark Dodge!
Ambassador Dodge and Vice Regent Torva.
“Please keep calm,” instructs Corona to an excited mob.
CJ tests The Sultan’s red phone. Yup, it’s working.
Press Secretary Tim Richards briefs Corona.
Someone’s VIP!!!
It’s almost time!
Our youngest Slowjamastani.
Parliament assembles.
The Sultan is showered with gifts.
“Welcome my friends!”
There’s Rescue Rick!
…and Kathy from the State of Snooklyn.
Let’s get you stamped in, first!
Too hot! Thank goodness for Kool-Aid!
Ice cold Kool-Aid provided by Donald Caliva and Samantha Speckmeyer…
…who govern DonSam Wadi and Higher Wadi.
CJ Sparkplug coming through with the much needed mister!
“*&%$, it’s HOT!!!”
Drink the Kool-Aid!!!
“Cheers!”
Let the festivities begin!
A angry Croc protester runs across the field before being tackled by Secret Service!
It’s Ray Haynes, aka Slowjamastan’s “Baron of Beards!”
The Sultan welcomes a special guest…
It’s none other than George A. Nava…
…Mayor of nearly Brawley, California, USA!
He is presented with “The Key to the Country!”
The crowd is amazing!
The Mayor is weaping!
“Congratulations, my friend!”
It’s a great day for the Slowjamastani-American alliance!
“And the people REJOICE!!!”
And now…FREE STUFF!!!
A major raffle underway…
…that makes Powerball look like chump change!
$100 Duble coin up for grabs!
Limited minting!
A new set of un-circulated Dubles!
So niiiiice!
“WINNER!!!”
“Don’t spend it all in one place, my friend!”
“It’s never too early to start saving, young lady!”
T-shirt for YOU!
Damn right!
CROC PIÑATA!!!
Cheeeeeeese!
Thanks to Guv’ness Samantha Speckmeyer for designing and constructing the giant Croc!
¡VIVA SLOWJAMASTAN!
And now: Official business!
Welcome The State of Momopolis!
Governed by Momo from Switzerland!
¡VIVA SLOWJAMASTAN!
Momo made the pilgrimage all the way from Europe!
Cheers!
Next up…Hotdamastan!
Casey and Larissa make a heartfelt speech.
A very long, heartfelt speech.
Almost done…
…with page one!
And now, page two!
“But before we begin…”
Sultan is currently sweating his pelotas off!
Almost done!
Cut the ribbon, Casey!
And the people REJOICE!!!
Time to march against Crocs!
The Sultan leads his people across the land!
“RACCOONS IN!!!”
“CROCS OUT!!!”
Crocs must be defeated!!!
“How far are we walking???”
“By any means necessary!”
Rescue Rick: “Where the hose at?”
Support Slowjamastan Fire & Rescue!
Selfies with The Sultan begin!
Smiles for miles.
GOD SAVE THE SULTAN!
Hello my friend!
“Phone call for you!”
Slowjamasani-American friendships!
The family that Slow Jams together…
Steve!
Welcome, my friend!
Thank you for the gift, Mr. Mayor!
The Sultan convincing Jeremy and Carla to purchase a time share in Slowjamastan!
The Crocade!
Few have lived to tell the tale!
“First we remove the dirty Croc…
….then we BEAT you over the HEAD with it!!!”
The first step is admitting the problem.
Cheers!
You are now entering a NO CROC ZONE.
The Sultan crossing The Slowjamastan River…
Brave.
Bold.
Stoic.
Time for school photos.
Our Sultan.
“Hello?”
Mom calls to check in.
“It’s getting late, Randy!”
“Dinner is ready!”
“Here, talk to my mom please.”
“Look, a raccoon!”
“Be Mine!”
DANGER!
¡¡¡POW!!!
Department of Porders and Brotection.
It’s gonna be a really awesome place.
Comrades.
“DROP THE CROC!!!”
“REMOVE THE CROCS…SLOWLY!”
Big Sexy.
Exalted Sultan, Guv’nors, Parliament, Public Servants, and Fellow Slowjamastanis,
The Celebration looked epic! And my Dromedary has recovered from the Croq-Pox. We impatiently await the next Congress so we may engage in social intercourse with all of you! 🐪🐪🐪
God save the Sultan!