BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
November 14th, 2023
Havana: In a plot twist even Hollywood couldn’t concoct, The Sultan recently graced Cuba with his royal presence, crashing a diplomatic dinner like it was a pizza party at Chuck E. Cheese. Because, naturally, Sultans are renowned for their subtle, understated entrances.
“I was at a crossroads between having the soirée of a lifetime or spending the night counting Cuban prison bars,” confessed The Sultan, clearly unaware that crashing parties isn’t the typical royal protocol.
Miraculously, he managed to avoid the latter fate.
The soirée in question was hosted by The Embassy of Saudi Arabia at the illustrious Hotel Nacional de Cuba, a venue that has hosted luminaries like Churchill, Sinatra, and even Disney. Adding to its star-studded history, The Sultan decided to check in for a casual two-night retreat, blissfully unaware that a gathering of prestigious ambassadors representing over 20 UN-recognized nations was scheduled just steps away.
Casually strolling in like he was part of the delegation, The Sultan confidently breezed through the banquet hall doors, immediately joining the buffet line with plate in hand, ready to tackle the culinary diplomacy of rice and black beans. Heart pounding like a salsa beat, he discreetly surveyed the room, contemplating whether his regal presence had been detected. Fortunately for him, the Sultan of Sneakiness had successfully blended in, looking no different from the other ambassadors clad in well-fitting black suits and flag lapel pins.
With the finesse of a seasoned diplomat, The Sultan proceeded to hobnob with the political elite. The Saudi representative, decked out in a traditional red and white kaffiyah, proved to be as welcoming as a salsa dance instructor. The Lebanese Ambassador even indulged in a selfie session with the uninvited guest. The Sultan continued his impromptu diplomatic tour, meeting and greeting the likes of the Ambassador to Myanmar, the Moroccans, the Nigerians, and so on. The crowning achievement? Catching the Ambassador to Qatar on his way out, making this impromptu escapade the most successful political meeting for Slowjamastan – a nation that, until then, might have been overlooked in geopolitical circles.
The conversations, if one could call them that, mostly involved The Sultan humbly introducing himself to each ambassador, often dropping the fact that he’s globe-trotted through all 193 nations, including their country. Oh, and let’s not forget the mandatory promotion of his own kingdom, The Republic of Slowjamastan, with a sprinkle of “glorious land” facts. Thanks to this unexpected royal rendezvous, Slowjamastan is now engraved in the minds of ambassadors worldwide – a feat that even the most seasoned diplomats would envy, all achieved through the power of unintentional infiltration.
Please enjoy photos from this glorious event! Click on thumbnail to see full photo.