BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
November 15, 2023
The bustling streets of Brawley, California, transformed into a theater of absurdity as hordes of enthusiastic Americans eagerly awaited the grand spectacle of The Sultan and his motorcade during the recent Cattle Call Parade.
In the distinguished delegation from the glorious land of Slowjamastan, Governors Kathy Snook, Samantha Speckmeyer, and Donald Caliva took center stage. Leading the charge was Director of Emergency Services Rescue Rick, gallantly steering Slowjamastan Fire Engine Number One, The Sultan riding on top like it was a surfboard. Chief Porder Patrol Agent Mark Corona fearlessly commanded the Porder Batrol Truck through the streets. Not to be outdone, Slowjamstan citizen #321, John Conforti, navigated The Pieway Hatrol SUV through the gauntlet of Slowjamafans professing their love for The Sultan. Don and Samantha graced the American children with gobs of Mexican candy.
Gratitude was showered upon Brawley Mayor George A. Nava for extending the invitation to Slowjamastan – a debutante in the parade scene. Special mentions were also reserved for Brawley Chief of Police Jimmy M. Duran and The Imperial County Sheriff Department, who generously provided an extra layer of security to shield The Sultan. Interestingly, The Sultan, demonstrating a curious aversion to the conventional, opted against the usual bullet-proof Pope-mobile contraption.
“I’m a man of the people,” declared The Sultan with a theatrical flourish. “And let’s face it, how could I graciously accept hugs from all the eligible ladies of Imperial Valley if we were separated by that bothersome, bullet-proof glass? The people deserve this – unfiltered, hug-filled joy!”