His Excellency, Randy Williams, The Sultan of Slowjamastan with San Diego County District Attorney Summer Stephan


Royal Intervention: Sultan Enlists San Diego DA in Battle Against Contraband Clown Shoes

April 6th, 2024


In a scene reminiscent of a B-movie diplomatic crisis, the Sultan rolled out the red carpet for San Diego‘s District Attorney Summer Stephan at The American Consulate this week. The mission? To tackle the epidemic of Crocs infiltrating Slowjamastan, a nation plagued by the grotesque influx of these rubbery abominations.


Captured in the latest Croc-bust (l-r) Carlos “Crocodilo” Cañez, Ernesto “Sport Mode” Sanchez, Tommy “Clown-Shoe” Sheng” and Hector “Sir Clogs-a-Lot” Clements

Graciously, the Sultan remarked, “What an honor to host the esteemed D.A. in our humble abode and shed light on the nefarious Croc conundrum. For over a year, our land has been besieged by these dreadful shoes, and lo and behold, the trail leads straight to San Diego. If only we could plug the leak before these ghastly Crocs sully our serene shores!”

>>> RELATED: “So Where IS Slowjamastan??? See our Location HERE <<<


Offenders may face time in the “Crocade” and beat over the head with their own dirty Croc.


Since February 2023, Croc seizures at Slowjamastan’s borders have surged by a staggering 32%, leaving Chief Porder Batrol Agent Mark Corona scratching his head in disbelief.

“Our adversaries are evolving,” lamented the Chief. “They’ve taken to stashing Crocs in the most unthinkable places: tailpipes, eggplant crates, and God forbid, even potato salad! Can you imagine the horror? First raisins, and now Crocs in the potato salad!”


The rules are stated clearly.


Faced with this unprecedented crisis, Slowjamastan has rallied its citizens, launching an international call center dubbed the “Croc Blocker Hotline.” This toll-free tip line implores the populace to report any sightings of Crocs or provide intel on the dastardly smugglers. The number to call? 866-NO-CROCS. Informants stand to gain up to $10,000 Dubles, ensuring that justice – and sanity – prevail in the war against Croc contraband.


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