BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
April 28th, 2026
SLOWJAMASTAN — In a moment of quiet triumph disguised as chaos, the Ministry of Identification and Mild Confusion confirms what loyal viewers of Fridays with Frank already suspected: the All-in-One Driving and Fishing License of the Republic of Slowjamastan has officially escaped the prototype phase and entered the trembling hands of the public.
Yes, citizens. You saw it first—flashed briefly on screen like contraband—during that historic broadcast. Many dismissed it as satire. Others assumed it was illegal. Both groups were correct.
Now, for a limited time (or until someone in a polo shirt with a name tag says “sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave”), this powerful document is available for acquisition.
Each ID is fully customizable to the highest standards of questionable authority. Your name. Your date of birth. Your photo. Your destiny—all printed boldly on a card that insists upon recognition while guaranteeing none.
>> ORDER HERE
“The world is too complicated,” declared The Sultan during a recent address. “Why carry two licenses when you can carry one that satisfies neither requirement but impresses everyone?”
Early adopters report mixed results.
>> ORDER HERE
“I… I don’t even know where to begin with this,” said a visibly shaken front desk manager at a Holiday Inn somewhere off an interstate. “It says he’s authorized to operate a vehicle and harvest trout? Is that… is that a hologram raccoon? Sir, I just asked for a credit card.”
Authorities have not yet issued guidance, largely because no one is quite sure which authorities would be responsible.
Acquire yours while supplies last, or until they stop us.
>> ORDER HERE
Now, enjoy the full episode of “Fridays with Frank” with our glorious Driving and Fishing license…
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No lakes in your country
You’re good.
Well there are occasionally lakes because after a really hard downpour which is rare in the desert I will admit, the water has nowhere to go it’s not used to being wet and so it forms small lakelettes which don’t last very long, but after that happens the desert turns green it’s amazing to see.
Steve is our special friend.
I have no drivers license because my drivers license expired on my birthday when I turned 75. I have no passport because I never had the urge to leave the US I have traveled to Mexico and Canada but that was before they required a passport to enter so I won’t enter their countries besides too many people get kidnapped down in Mexico and Canada oh my God you know what it’s like up there I’m sure. So basically I’m a man without a country our own country the United States my former or current country however it is has turned bad they no longer follow their own constitution and the whole thing is a corporation designed to suck money out of you. But now we’re on the verge of World War III it’s time than I tightened up all my paperwork and I would like diplomatic community so I no longer worry about traveling in a vehicle and being stopped and robbed by the government local government state government various sheriffs departments you can lump them all together as money grabbers or pirates where Pisey has become legalized unless you’re an ordinary person than privacy is illegal of course as it should be so that’s the end of my rambling discourse I would like to have a place to call home where I won’t be constantly harassed and robbed by people who have absolute power and the absolute power has gone to their heads.
I would like to open an embassy in Goshen Ohio. And I would like to be the ambassador to Goshen. My unique position as a man without a country would make me a perfect candidate. I’ve never run for office before and I’m very excited to have this opportunity. Goshen is a thriving town which survived the tornado and it was once known as the Goshen swamp. It’s actually a suburb of Cincinnati Ohio but it’s on the east side of a river so it’s in a different county than Cincinnati. I have some really great ideas including making silver 90% US coins the official currency. Silver is honest money and the United States only has a pay perfect simile called the dollar it’s just a piece of paper so it has absolutely no intrinsic value whatsoever and in addition to that a bunch of very high ranking pirates have taken over the counter fitting of these paper dollars. They’re designed as a negative Ponzi scheme where they go down in value each year especially these last two years. In fact the dollar has basically crashed the people still keep believing in it and it’s for this reason that I think that Slowjamistani money should be based on honest money. Having honest money is especially important when we’re on the verge of having a central bank digital currency which can be sanctioned by the high ranking money counter fitters. It can also be taken away with no trial. Thank you for considering me as ambassador to Goshen
Great news! You have been pre-approved this morning by a 9-1 decision in Parliament. Proceed to http://www.slowjamastan.org/insiders to begin!