The World’s Newest Nation

Become a Citizen HERE


  ADVISORY: Be on high alert for smuggled Crocs this upcoming weekend (source: Slowjamastani Intellgience)


Happy Independence Day: What We’ve Learned in the Last Two Years of Running a Nation

  BY THE SULTAN  l  SUPREME LEADER December 1, 2023   Dublândia: December 1st, 2023 marks the two-year anniversary of independence for The People’s Republic of Slowjamastan. It was on this very day, exactly two years ago, that The Sultan


Win a Passport and Slowjamastan Prize Pack!

  Show Your Spirit, Win Prizes! In celebration of our country’s independence, our generous Sultan is opening up his coffers and handing out free passports and prizes to those showing their love for Slowjamastan!     Ten winners will be



  Black Friday Sale EXTENDED Through Monday We’ve never, ever had a “sale.” But here’s the deal…our nation is teetering on the brink of financial collapse and we need capital. So YOU win! Take advantage of these never before offered


Sultan’s Spectacle: Grand Entrance in Brawley, CA for the ‘Cattle Call’ Parade Leaves Cows Envious and Locals Confused

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 15, 2023   The bustling streets of Brawley, California, transformed into a theater of absurdity as hordes of enthusiastic Americans eagerly awaited the grand spectacle of The Sultan and his motorcade during


The Sultan Strikes Again: Diplomacy Dinner Crashed, Buffet Conquered!

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 14th, 2023   Havana: In a plot twist even Hollywood couldn’t concoct, The Sultan recently graced Cuba with his royal presence, crashing a diplomatic dinner like it was a pizza party at


Under 50,000 Descend Upon Motherland for (No) Croctober Celebration

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 15, 2023   Last weekend, the “motherland” saw a monumental influx of SlowjamaFans from across the globe. The Sultan flung open his borders with all the grace of a bull in a


Ain’t no Party Like a Slowjamastan Party!

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 9, 2023   You’re cordially invited to Slowjamastan’s (No) Croctober! Behold, a visual masterpiece awaits your perusal – The Sultan’s cinematic invitation, lovingly crafted for your viewing pleasure:      Join


Sultan Shatters Guacamole Competition, Leaving Rivals Green with Envy

  Sultan Shatters Guacamole Competition, Leaving Rivals Green with Envy BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 9, 2023   San Diego, CA, USA: In a truly groundbreaking culinary showdown, The Sultan, that legendary guacamole maestro, graced us with his


We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations. 

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Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.

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We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.

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Joe Lindsay

Director of Land Management 

Matt Conde


Slowjamastan Security Forces


95 Political appointee 
positions available


Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.

We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available. 

If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!

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