Yankee Spies Caught Peeking at Consulate: Sultan’s Enchiladas Caught in the Crossfire!
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
May 30th, 2024
San Diego: We are notifying all Slowjamastani citizens and allies of some disturbing news. On Wednesday, May 29th, at approximately 10:05AM, Slowjamastani Intelligence was alerted that an unmarked American “law enforcement agency” vehicle was brazenly stationed across the street from our US Consulate in San Diego, California. After a rigorous investigation, which included camouflage sweats, binoculars and expert hiding-in-the-bushes techniques, we determined that the vehicle was indeed surveilling our building and its staff.
The vehicle remained in place for at least two hours before slinking away. After conducting a multitude of visual and sonic inspections, our counter-intelligence agents at The Consulate determined the vehicle to be emitting infrared lights and radio frequencies consistent with government American spying technology. The Sultan and The Consulate publicly condemn such blatant acts of espionage and subversion and plan to file a report with the international court. These seditious acts will not be tolerated.
UPDATE: We now pause for a humbling correction. It appears that the aforementioned radio waves and infrared signals were not, in fact, emanating from the Yankee surveillance SUV. Instead, our state-of-the-art spy detection system had picked up emissions from our own Consulate’s commissary. Specifically, the culprit was none other than the Sultan’s microwave oven, diligently reheating his leftover enchiladas.
Rest assured, Slowjamastan remains ever vigilant, albeit with a newfound respect for the culinary arts.
UPDATE: Official correspondence from Slowjamastani Intelligence to the American spies, hand delivered to the unmarked American car pictured above. Next time it will be a banana in the tailpipe!
This violation of internationally recognized sovereign borders will NOT go unpunished… the Jarl stands with Slowjamastan