BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 20th, 2025 ANTARCTICA — December shall forever be recorded in the official textbooks of the People’s Republic of Slowjamastan as a month of historic inevitability, when destiny itself marched in lockstep
Month: December 2025
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 30th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — Been longing to visit The Republic of Slowjamastan, but you’re tragically held back by geography, finances, or—worse—your unwavering loyalty to Crocs? We understand. Not everyone is
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 4th, 2025 SAN DIEGO — In a dazzling display of espionage brilliance, The Sultan of Slowjamastan pulled off his most audacious coup yet: infiltrating The American Media™ itself. Disguised as mild-mannered “Earl
Citizens, Loyal Subjects, and Concerned Anti-Croc Patriots, Yesterday, some of you may have witnessed disturbing border security footage in which The Sultan appeared to allow a young child to enter Slowjamastan while wearing Crocs. Your outrage was justified. In