BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 9th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — Do you sometimes wonder if there are other strange little “nations” out there like Slowjamastan? Well, brace yourself, because the answer is yes—and it’s both thrilling
Category: News
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 15th, 2025 MONTREAL – In a moment that can only be described as “moderately historic,” The Republic of Slowjamastan made its grand diplomatic debut in Montreal, Canada this week—armed with flaky
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 9th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — In a hastily organized press conference held in front of the Ministry of Sand and Silence, The Sultan of Slowjamastan flatly denied the existence of what
A Press Tour Nobody Asked For but Everyone Will Remember BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 12th, 2025 Los Angeles and Orange County, CA – In a diplomatic move that rattled local coffee shops and confused
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 18th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In what experts are calling “the greatest migration in modern history,” massive caravans of Americans are heading toward the border of The Glorious
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 4th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In a bold move to protect his nation’s dignity, The Sultan of Slowjamastan has announced a 6,000,000% tariff on all imports of Crocs,
Young Scholar Denied A+ for Recognizing the Greatest Nation on Earth—The Sultan Intervenes BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 26, 2025 Puebla, México – The Sultan, Supreme Leader and Benevolent Overlord of Slowjamastan, receives thousands of
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 17, 2025 Phoenix, AZ – A new global superpower has entered the tourism arena. The Republic of Slowjamastan made its world-famous debut at the equally world-famous Travel and Adventure Show
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 12, 2025 Imperial County, CA – In a shocking display of cartographic audacity, maps now reflect the Salton Sea as the “Sultan” Sea, honoring the Supreme Leader of Slowjamastan.
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25rd, 2025 Los Angeles – If a front-row seat at the NATO Summit didn’t convince the world that Slowjamastan is a geopolitical powerhouse, fear not—we’re doubling down. This year, our
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25th, 2025 Dublândia – Slowjamastan’s charismatic and unapologetically bold leader, The Sultan , has sent shockwaves across the geopolitical landscape with a declaration: he’s “thinking very strongly” about annexing Yuma,
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 23rd, 2025 Dublândia – After four grueling days of intense labor, sweat, and what we can only assume was a lot of Monster Energy drinks, the Republic of Slowjamastan is proud to announce