…Sultan of Slowjamastan Leads Elite Citizens in Heroic Quest to Save America from Itself BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 8th, 2024 San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens
NEWS
…But a Mysterious Write-In Vote for SlowjamaStanley Raises Eyebrows in the Eastern District BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER November 6th, 2024 Dublândia: In a landslide victory that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe The
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER FEBRUARY 6, 2022 Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: Under 10,000 Slowjamastani citizens, loyalists and supporters flooded through the nation’s newly constructed border gate on Sunday for an opportunity to see the
Contact us. Newsletter: Want to know when we declare independence? Visas and tours? Or when we will open up opportunities for property and political office appointments? Be sure to sign up for our newsletter. We will never, ever spam you
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 9th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — Do you sometimes wonder if there are other strange little “nations” out there like Slowjamastan? Well, brace yourself, because the answer is yes—and it’s both thrilling
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 15th, 2025 MONTREAL – In a moment that can only be described as “moderately historic,” The Republic of Slowjamastan made its grand diplomatic debut in Montreal, Canada this week—armed with flaky
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 9th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — In a hastily organized press conference held in front of the Ministry of Sand and Silence, The Sultan of Slowjamastan flatly denied the existence of what
A Press Tour Nobody Asked For but Everyone Will Remember BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 12th, 2025 Los Angeles and Orange County, CA – In a diplomatic move that rattled local coffee shops and confused
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 18th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In what experts are calling “the greatest migration in modern history,” massive caravans of Americans are heading toward the border of The Glorious
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 4th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In a bold move to protect his nation’s dignity, The Sultan of Slowjamastan has announced a 6,000,000% tariff on all imports of Crocs,
Young Scholar Denied A+ for Recognizing the Greatest Nation on Earth—The Sultan Intervenes BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 26, 2025 Puebla, México – The Sultan, Supreme Leader and Benevolent Overlord of Slowjamastan, receives thousands of
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 17, 2025 Phoenix, AZ – A new global superpower has entered the tourism arena. The Republic of Slowjamastan made its world-famous debut at the equally world-famous Travel and Adventure Show
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 12, 2025 Imperial County, CA – In a shocking display of cartographic audacity, maps now reflect the Salton Sea as the “Sultan” Sea, honoring the Supreme Leader of Slowjamastan.
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25rd, 2025 Los Angeles – If a front-row seat at the NATO Summit didn’t convince the world that Slowjamastan is a geopolitical powerhouse, fear not—we’re doubling down. This year, our
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25th, 2025 Dublândia – Slowjamastan’s charismatic and unapologetically bold leader, The Sultan , has sent shockwaves across the geopolitical landscape with a declaration: he’s “thinking very strongly” about annexing Yuma,
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 23rd, 2025 Dublândia – After four grueling days of intense labor, sweat, and what we can only assume was a lot of Monster Energy drinks, the Republic of Slowjamastan is proud to announce