BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER October 20th, 2024 Algiers – In the quiet hills of Tizi Ouzou, Algerian Mourad Tabti had just one dream: to hold in his hands the holy grail of citizenship—his very own Slowjamastani
Author: Slowjamastan State Department
The Sultan Returns: Blame NATO and a Parking Ticket, But We’re Back! We know, we know—you’ve been asking, nay, DEMANDING, an event with The Sultan, and we sincerely apologize for the delay! Between rubbing elbows at the NATO Summit
Proving Once Again That Small Nations Can Dream Big… Especially When There’s Free Champagne Involved! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER September 21st, 2024 Aigues-Mortes, France — In a night that will surely go down in the Official
Guac ‘n’ Roll Gangster: Sultan Defends Avocado Crown BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER August 1st, 2024 San Diego — In a highly anticipated return to the United States, The Sultan of Slowjamastan set foot on
Right City, Wrong Year: Slowjamastan’s Olympic Mix-Up BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 28th, 2024 Paris — In an extraordinary display of organizational prowess, the Slowjamastan National Hockey Federation descended upon Paris this week, ready to
Epic Showdown Over Parking Ticket Shakes Nation BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 18th, 2024 San Diego — International turmoil reached historic heights on Wednesday as the esteemed Sultan of Slowjamastan was summoned to San
Slowjamastan Public Information Department Below is the Sultan’s official court statement and testimony for The United States v. The Sultan, which took place in San Diego Superior Court on July 17th, 2024 under the guidance and supervision
The Sultan and Chief Commandeered to Washington for High-Stakes Summit Shenanigans BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 14th, 2024 Washington: Forget electricity and plumbing; those are mere trifles. The real ticket to legitimacy for Slowjamastan?
Nogales Police Department Rolls Out Red Carpet (and Extra Parking Spaces) for Sultan of Slowjamastan BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Nogales, AZ—In an event that could only be described as a cross-border
Harvey Schmidlap, the esteemed News & Propaganda Director and Head Reporter for Slowjamastan State News, owes his prestigious position to none other than The Sultan—a man of discerning taste and an apparent knack for recognizing exceptional journalism potential in
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Benson, Arizona: Banks shuttered, post offices padlocked, and productivity plummeted in Benson, Arizona, on Saturday, as
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 15th, 2024 Dublândia: In a spectacle sure to rock the international stage, Slowjamastan’s Minister of Foreign Affairs