Epic Showdown Over Parking Ticket Shakes Nation BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 18th, 2024 San Diego — International turmoil reached historic heights on Wednesday as the esteemed Sultan of Slowjamastan was summoned to San
NEWS
Slowjamastan Public Information Department Below is the Sultan’s official court statement and testimony for The United States v. The Sultan, which took place in San Diego Superior Court on July 17th, 2024 under the guidance and supervision
The Sultan and Chief Commandeered to Washington for High-Stakes Summit Shenanigans BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 14th, 2024 Washington: Forget electricity and plumbing; those are mere trifles. The real ticket to legitimacy for Slowjamastan?
Nogales Police Department Rolls Out Red Carpet (and Extra Parking Spaces) for Sultan of Slowjamastan BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Nogales, AZ—In an event that could only be described as a cross-border
Harvey Schmidlap, the esteemed News & Propaganda Director and Head Reporter for Slowjamastan State News, owes his prestigious position to none other than The Sultan—a man of discerning taste and an apparent knack for recognizing exceptional journalism potential in
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Benson, Arizona: Banks shuttered, post offices padlocked, and productivity plummeted in Benson, Arizona, on Saturday, as
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 15th, 2024 Dublândia: In a spectacle sure to rock the international stage, Slowjamastan’s Minister of Foreign Affairs
Slowjamastan’s Sultan Faces the Wrath of Justice Over Royal Parking Blunder BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 31st, 2024 San Diego: In a scandal that’s shaking the foundations of international relations (or at least a
Yankee Spies Caught Peeking at Consulate: Sultan’s Enchiladas Caught in the Crossfire! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 30th, 2024 San Diego: We are notifying all Slowjamastani citizens and allies of some disturbing news.
How I Survived Afternoon Tea with a Sultan: A Tale of Tea, Turbans, and Timely Bowing READER CONTRIBUTION l BEN KATZMAN SLIGHTLY EDITED BY THE SLOWJAMASTAN MINISTRY OF PROPAGANDA May 26th, 2024 San Diego: I am
Nation’s Smelliest Sea Rebranded as Tribute to Supreme Leader: “Sultan” Sea to Replace Salton Sea in Grandiose Gesture BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 19th, 2024 Salton City, CA: This week, a measure was put
Sultan Achieves Board Game Fame BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 10th, 2024 El Centro, California, United States of America: Slowjamastanis collectively threw their hands up in joyous celebration upon discovering that their illustrious nation had